Have I Done Any Good in the World Today?

This was the theme of my relief society lesson. 

The last lesson I gave was completely scripted.  Word for word for word.  It was awful.  This is not how I normally speak.  I usually like a few bullet points for prompters and then my mouth runneth over from there.  The inherent risks of said bambling, tangents.  Tangents which seem to distract from the spirit.  I thought then complete scripting might be my solution.  That was the last time I will prepare a talk so that it could be given by someone else if I happen to get run over by a runaway go kart on my way to church.  I hated it.  I sat down and felt like I missed the boat.

Bookmarks I made for the sisters

Today was a different experience.  I woke up this morning with media helps, notes, handouts and "fluff" for the table but without any direction on how to connect the dots.  I had decided upon a video I wanted to share quite some time ago.  Then I choose a song (we just listened, I didn't like the music video) to accompany the message.  Andy thought the song might be a little too rock and rollish, I liked that it was upbeat, that maybe service was fun, not work.  I also visited lds.org to get some material from the prophets on the subject.  Research doesn't get any easier.

I wanted my focus to be on doing good in our everyday journey.  To make a conscious effort to look for the needs of others, especially within our family.

I felt so unprepared, yet prepared so I yielded to a deep hope that the Spirit would direct me when I began.  The tears were flowing by the end of the meeting.  I felt the spirit and I know others did as well.

I now feel an overwhelming sense of relief.  The pressure has been eliminated and I was spiritually fed.  The giant blessing which comes from preparing a message.  I began with 8 pages of awesome stories and quotes and ended with 2 to share with the sisters, eliminating stories and messages I loved that time wouldn't allow.

Some of my favorite thoughts (please note, none of the following were my thoughts, all were copied from lds.org):

L. Tom Perry shared this in regards to "Have I Done Any Good in the World Today."  "There is a familiar hymn I would like to have you adopt as a theme song.  I would like to have you sing it each morning as you arise to lift the hearts and spirits of your family. Whistle it as you go down the street on your way to work to remind you that the path you take will be a cleaner, happier place because you passed that way. Hum it in your shops or offices to encourage all around you to make a greater contribution. Meditate on it as you retire and kneel in prayer of thanksgiving for the opportunities you have had that day to make the world a better place."

Our opportunities to give of ourselves are indeed limitless, but they are also perishable. There are hearts to gladden. There are kind words to say. There are gifts to be given. There are deeds to be done. There are souls to be saved.  What a formula for happiness! What a prescription for contentment, for inner peace

An article written by Jack McConnell, MD tells how he grew up in the hills of southwest Virginia i as one of seven children of a Methodist minister and a stay-at-home mother. Their circumstances were very humble. He recounted that during his childhood, every day as the family sat around the dinner table, his father would ask each one in turn, “And what did you do for someone today?”   The children were determined to do a good turn every day so they could report to their father that they had helped someone. Dr. McConnell calls this exercise his father’s most valuable legacy, for that expectation and those words inspired him and his siblings to help others throughout their lives. As they grew and matured, their motivation for providing service changed to an inner desire to help others.

We become so caught up in the busyness of our lives. Were we to step back, however, and take a good look at what we’re doing, we may find that we have immersed ourselves in the “thick of thin things.” In other words, too often we spend most of our time taking care of the things which do not really matter much at all in the grand scheme of things, neglecting those more important causes.

President Monson shares "Many years ago I heard a poem which has stayed with me, by which I have tried to guide my life. It’s one of my favorites:

I have wept in the night

For the shortness of sight

That to somebody’s need made me blind;

But I never have yet

Felt a tinge of regret

For being a little too kind."

I ended the lesson with my testimony and this challenge:

"May we resolve from this day forward to fill our hearts with love. May we go the extra mile to include in our lives any who are lonely or downhearted or who are suffering in any way. May we “[cheer] up the sad and [make] someone feel glad.” May we live so that when that final summons is heard, we may have no serious regrets, no unfinished business, but will be able to say with the Apostle Paul, “I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith.”"

Look Up

This is Taylei today.

This was Taylei yesterday.

Softball was a play all day kind of deal.  Eleven straight hours.  She pitched her little guts out.  The stands were cheering her on. "Dig deep" seemed to be the constant cheer.  We ended in second place after battling back from deep in the losers bracket.  She was amazing and so were her ten other teammates but that is another story, for another day.  I seem to get lost and delayed when I post about tournaments.

When you play that much ball, in that much heat, with no breaks for meals, bad things happen.  It is hard to keep going when your little 80 pound frame has 0 energy reserves and has been giving 113 percent all day long in 90 degree plus temperatures.  I believe every member of her team were taking ibuprofen to try and relieve the pains of the day.

We arrived home at midnight on Saturday and to Taylei's horror she realized it was fast Sunday.  I, being the mom and all, quickly assured her she did not need to fast.  I knew she had nothing in her.  I knew her body was past exhaustion and rightfully so.  I knew she needed food.

I underestimated my little girl and her will to follow the commandments of our Heavenly Father.

The last Relief Society lesson I gave was based on a talk given by Carl B. Cook entitled, "Look Up."

Elder Cook shares an experience with his daughter: He served as a mission president in New Zealand during his daughters high school years.  When she turned 21, she said, “Dad, Mom, I think I need to serve a mission.” He was pleased with this righteous decision, but knowing it had been a sacrifice for her to move away from friends and family during her teenage years, he told her, “You’ve already served a mission.”

She smiled and said, “No, Dad, you have. Now I want to go serve the Lord.”

She served her Heavenly Father and His children in Spain, following the impression she felt. She didn’t let a well-meaning parent—convince her to do anything other than what she felt was right for her life and Heavenly Father’s plan for her.

Sign me up for making the same mistake.  A good friend told me we sometimes 'rationalize' why it is o.k. to not follow our Heavenly Father's commandments.  I was doing this with my daughter.  She is greater than me.  She has more faith.  She is an awesome example to me each and every day.  She is one of my greatest blessings and I love her, and each of my children, dearly.

Scramble, Words and Where is My Time

I may have an OCD disorder.  When I like something, I might become obsessed.  Evidences of this are located throughout my home.  Stamp sets, paper punches, ribbon, and paper are found in abundance in our office.  At a time in my life I couldn't pass Roberts Craft without going inside and finding a way to spend a 40% off coupon.  Then weeds -- if I pull one, it's over.  Physically removing myself from the garden, lawn or flower beds takes all the strength I can muster.  Usually it is accompanied by prodding from my children reminding me of the responsibilities I'm neglecting.

I own an Iphone.  I didn't desire a smart phone for quite some time.  My feelings about cell phones were closely in line with the elderly -- a phone is for talking, period.  Then my heart began to soften.  Being able to check my email anywhere, view my calendar, and most importantly access coupons merchants would honor if displayed by phone.  Sold.

This phone is far from reaching its maximum potential while in my care.  I have no movies and no songs for starters.  I wouldn't put any games on it for some time -- my track record for losing things made me not want to have my children borrowing for their enjoyment.  I have an app to scan bar codes, a flashlight app along with the LDS app and scriptures.

Then I was introduced to games I would enjoy (not Angry Birds and Temple Run).  I started playing Words with Friends a few months ago against Paul and Andy.  What should be a quick game transformed into torment.  I stare at my playing options for 30 minutes at a time, trying to make a word that could award me enough points to stay in the game (Andy and Paul are masters of utilizing triple letter and triple word spaces).  This became almost painful.

Diane introduced me to Scramble with Friends this month -- an electronic version of Boggle with a two minute time limit.  Sign me up.

Not such a good idea.

Over the course of a day, two minutes add up.  I need to blog but it takes more than two minutes to sit down and gather my thoughts.  So instead, I check to see if my turn to play awaits.  Too bad that when I have eight different games in the works two minutes rapidly multiply until twenty minutes have passed and the laundry and dishes are still untouched, my scriptures are on the table and lets not even talk about how many push ups or sit ups I could have done in the same two minutes.  

When I'm waiting to pick up my girls it is a great way to waste time.  But that is the complete extent.

The game has limits to keep me in check - it costs two coins to play.  One coin is earned every twenty minutes with a maximum of fifteen held in the bank and if I have found that many spare free minutes that I run out of coins it is time to re-evaluate my 'spare' time.

Just for the record, Paul consistently beats me, Andy and I are about even and nth is a word.

Ten Things Good About Today

1.  Piano Festival.  Taylei and Keanna performed their pieces today.  The best thing about this?  Superior Ratings.  The second best thing?  The four songs they have played, played, played, memorized and played some more can be forgotten.  (Maybe not forgotten, I truly hope they will play them on occasion but anything more than this may be considered illegal).

On a side note, I believe both daughters may quit playing if the consequences weren't so great.
They are allowed, by me, to quit at anytime, but if they do quit, they also quit all other activities they are involved in.  This list includes: dance, basketball, soccer, volleyball, leather craft, tennis, ipods, nooks and even the mighty, most important, not to be messed with softball.

I heard hints that others may consider be to be a 'mean' mom last night.  Keanna loves spending time with her second-cousin Bailey.  Bailey and Keanna get along beautifully.  Bailey brings out Keanna's personality in its purest form.  I learned that Bailey likes to limit the time Sulena and I visit.  She is afraid her mom may impose some of my same rules.  Examples: bedroom doors are to be shut NEVER or if you don't practice the piano the required amount, I am repaid for the lesson.  Maybe my daughter's journals compare me to Cruella deVil or the Wicked Step-Mother, maybe even both?

2.  Survival in Judging.  I was asked to fill in and be a judge at the previous mentioned festival.  Really?  It is a good thing they didn't ask for a resume, my qualifications would have been seriously lacking.  At one point, I was reading the music and comparing it to the notes the student was playing and felt like I was in way over my head.  Had I missed a sign that called for the music to be played an octave lower?  I was reassured when one of the other judges asked the student to play again with hands in the proper location.  I was nervous but the poor students were terrified.

When it was over, I realized I had enjoyed the experience.  Piano is a talent you have forever.  Until I hear someone tell me the hours their mom forced them to practice in their youth were a waste of time, my girls are going to play.

Next question, when should I have Kyler start?  A man is never sexier than when he is tickling the ivories, commanding them to send forth a melody that moves your very soul.

3.  Keanna and her passion for the keyboard.  Keanna seems to be at a desperate state in her development trying to decide what HER interests are.  Piano?  Nope, her mothers desire.  Softball?  Nope, something her father, grandfathers (yes, both) and even grandmothers want her to participate in.  Dancing?  Enjoys tremendously but.  Duct Tape?  Fad.  Sewing?  Fad.  Ice Skating?  For almost a week this is the only thing she talked about but once again, the desire seems to have past.

This week she began her adventure in her newest passion.  The fourth grade has began a unit where they are learning to type.  Home row keys and all.  Every spare minute she is sitting at the keyboard.  Today we found some typing games.  Now she can increase her skills while saving the space ship from alien invaders one word at a time.

4.  A patient husband.  Tennis lessons 101 commenced at the tennis courts today.  Andy helped Taylei and Keanna.  I arrived and he devoted his attention to me.  How I hold my racket, how I should spin the head, how I need to hit and get back to ready position and how I hit more home runs in 10 minutes than in my entire softball career (too bad that only took one).  We volleyed a little but he only had to get into his ready stance for me to have a chill of terror run down my spine.

We have been married 14 years and in that time I can count on both hands the amount of tennis games he has gotten to play.  This was his sport.  He played doubles and they were slated to win state.  He choked.

We keep saying we are going to start playing, then, he takes our family to the court and although he never shows his frustration, exasperation and desperation I know we drive him crazy.  Too bad I don't find a private coach and gain enough skills to volley against him, then invite him on a surprise date to the tennis court, complete with a candlelight dinner, cute tennis skirt and a tennis game he could actually enjoy.

5. Beds that are unmade.  Why?  This bed, in its state of chaos, represents something good.  Unmade beds usually don't make me smile but today I was lucky enough to be reminded of my bounteous blessings.  I have a daughter (daughters and sons for that matter) who are healthy, active and my joy in this world.  I realized there are parents of children who have passed to the other side of the veil who will never get to make a child's bed again.  I will pull up the covers and be grateful the bed was slept in the night before.

6.  A girl who loves the game as much as her dad.  Taylei was invited to a friend's home for games and was in the process of getting ready when Andy informed her she needed to pitch before she could go.  Outside she went to make her dad happy, wet just-got-out-of-the-shower hair and all.  (Some of her pitching pictures make her arm look quite deformed.  I really should turn them into a collage for her posterity's enjoyment).  Since Tom and Jerian moved to California, Andy has stepped in as pitching coach until a replacement is found.  I only ventured out and watched for a minute and it was obvious this is a problem in desperate need of a quick action.

7.  The power of the sun.  I love the shape of Andy's legs but after seeing them today, basked in the glory of winter white, I can't wait for the power of the sun to transform them into a glorious bronze.

8.  The trampoline.  Our yard no longer has a 5 feet deep by 14 feet wide hole.  Andy must have given up on winter and has returned the mat to its proper location.

9.  My right hand man.  Grandma Lou bought shovels for my boys.  A shovel of their very own.  Kyler wanted to make sure his would not be mistaken for his brothers and in his finest Kindergarten handwriting, he labeled each one.  He has been begging to dig weeds since the shovel was placed in his possession.  I keep telling him it still isn't time.  Today we found pits under the plum tree.  He gathered them as quickly as possible and ran after his shovel, determined to plant them deep in the earth.  I had to deny his location choices, right in the middle of my flower beds or the lawn wasn't quite what I had in mind.  We finally agreed on a place or two and he commenced Operation Plant A Tree.

10.  Spring is here.  I believe Heavenly Father is the God of this earth.  This earth was created under his direction and power.  Miracles occur each and every day.  One of which, tulips.  Tulips.  The bulbs sit in the earth through the summer, fall and winter and each spring, the plant pushes its way up through the rocks and frozen earth.  Each spring we witness the love Heavenly Father has for us.  The cold, dark days of winter are replaced with the vibrant colors and glorious new birth spring offers.

I love spring.  I love knowing I'm loved on this earth and in heaven.  My blessings are bounteous, especially if I take a break from my own agenda to look around and see what Heavenly Father has done for me.

Me, My Valentine & My Hate the Month of January disorder

I was once again successful and sent valentines to friends and family. (This statement seems like boasting but it truly is just rejoicing that good triumphed evil).  In some ways this was the easiest year ever, while in other ways it was the hardest.

Explanation please . . .

My mastery of photoshop has been improving.  I have taken classes online which have been incredible.  Trial and error has helped as well.  Then, when all else fails, I've used my greatest source of information, the employees of  Kimo's Kamera.

Kimo's recently upgraded some printing equipment making the possibilities almost endless.

When I would visit this store I would leave with idea after idea running through my head.  Then, I would arrive home and not want anything to do with it.

I hate January.  I hate the fact that it is dark.  I hate the terrible weather.  I hate that I've just finished a 'get ready for Christmas frenzy' to having nothing on my plate.  I hate, I hate, I hate and hate is such a terrible word.

If I could cuddle up in bed, add ten extra blankets (for the warmth and the weight), and not get up until the second week of February, I would.  The bear species has it all figured out, hibernation really is the answer.

I was interested in making a folding card, an accordion card, or maybe even a shutter card.  Then after staring at my blank file, nothing but whiteness glaring back at me, I would find a more enjoyable activity to pursue, laundry never looked so good.

As I ran out of time I went for simple, deciding that if I had the valentine printed on metallic paper the recipients of the card would be less critical of the fact that my card wasn't fantastically amazing.  Boy, do I worry way to much about what others may 'think' of me.

While reading an article in the Ensign last month, "Look Up," by Elder Carl B. Cook I new I had found the topic for my next relief society lesson.  And no one needs the message more than me.

What is my deal?  Not sending a card was not an option (is that a double negative?).  Failure would not help my frantically-trying-to-recover-from-the-terrors-of-January self.  I had to do this, to prove I have a little more value than the January demons in my head had been preaching.

Finally, the blank file began to have color, pictures and text.  With a tremendous amount of tweaking, resizing, and turning layers on and off, the card was finished!

While getting the card printed, Jimmy, who works at Kimo's, made me aware of the fact that I could use a mail merge and have my envelopes printed as well, complete with recipient addresses.

Do you know how easy this was?  Do you know how much time this saved, not just for this year but for future years as well?  The envelope ended up looking amazing.  It didn't have a bulk-mail look, instead it looked quite professional.  This process took about 1/10th the time of hand addressing.

I mailed the cards on a Thursday, and on Saturday, Andy's tennis coach had left a message thanking us for the card.  His message touched my soul and I new I had done a little good in the world.  This man is one of my husband's heroes someone who has made deep impression on him.  So much so, that one of Andy's dreams is to inherit enough money to retire from Novell and be a high school tennis coach.

I realize the tradition of sending cards is becoming ancient history.  But, it is something good.  It uplifts the souls of those who are on the receiving end.  Something I hope to continue for years to come.

P.S.  When Andy was finally able to talk to his coach this is the question he got asked, "What do I have to do to get the rest of the picture?" referring to the shot where you can only see all of Aysen.

Event occurred February 13, 2012

Obesity and Me

Here is one of those bare my soul posts . . .

Obesity is my new plan.  Yesterday I was hungered the whole entire day.  Hungered to the point I ate anything in site.  Stale Burnt Blacks, check.  Rancid sunflower seeds, check.  Gumballs, check.  The roast beef off of my dad's plate even though my dinner was in the oven, check.  I dug deep and found candy in my mother's pantry, I left the Twizzlers but ate the Dove chocolates I had given her for Valentine's.  My person truly had no limits.

Today I took a minute to browse my sister, Diane's blog.  In a most horrible act of reality, she put a picture of me in my swimsuit taken at 7-Peaks last summer.  A picture where my hips are double in proportion to what they should be.  Double!!!  Then my lower legs, in all their glory were blossoming like a rose in full bloom.

I am the tallest of my sisters.  I am largest of my sisters.  I am the least educated of my sisters.  I am in the worst physical condition of my sisters.  (Told you I am well aware of my weaknesses).

This morning, in true Aysen fashion, he found his own breakfast.  When he needs something from the kitchen he pushes a bar stool to the cupboard (he pays close attention when the cupboard doors are open and he knows where to fine everything).  He climbs the stool, gets on to the counter and can then access whatever he is looking for.  Today it was a mint chocolate orange leftover from Christmas (Amazing that it has lasted so long).  Andy told me Aysen was hungry, he must have witnessed the scene when he walked by on his way to work.  By the time I made it into the kitchen, the orange was out of its packaging and the gold wrapper was being peeled back.

I tried in vain to convince him he should eat breakfast first but when he resisted I decided it was a battle I wasn't willing to wage.  It was an orange, right?

Then once again, I indulged myself.  I needed my dose of 'fruit' for the day.

When Aysen and I made it home from playgroup I made cookies.  They weren't out of the oven for more than 35 seconds when I tried one.  Currently I've eaten four.

For lunch I made cheese crisps.  Delicious.  Cheese melted onto a fresh cooked tortilla.  I had two.  Afterwards I felt terrible.  My stomach is trying to tell my brain it should find some different dishes a little more nutritious.  It just doesn't seem to shout loud enough, never overpowering the triggers that convince me to eat all the wrong things.

Too bad I've wasted the calories I saved when at the first of this year I went 35 days without a sweet.  35 long days.  35 days when I thought of giving in hundreds if not thousands of times.  35 days proving to myself I can do hard things.  35 days when my carloric and sugar intake was in check.

I have a goal every day around noon to change.  To wake up at six and spend some time on my bike or walking my stairs or playing wii fit or doing the same amount of sit-ups and push-ups Taylei and Keanna are required to do during softball training.  You know, be an example of good health to my children.  Another one of those goals I'm falling significantly short in.

End Confession.

Hopefully getting my soul out on the line will help me to change.  To become who I am capable of becoming.  To be the better me.  Marie?  This works right?

If not, I'll succeed at the obesity goal.  Fat and happy?  Or fat and totally miserable in another facet of life I'm falling desperately short in.  I need to remember the saying I have repeated over and over again this last month, "We are NOT judged on our waist size" which I truly believe.  But, on the other hand, how I look in a swimsuit is just skimming the surface of the real issue.

P.S. You may get to see the real me in my writing but the picture inspiring this post will not defile my blog.  Imagination will have to do but, please be kind.

Venom like a Snake

Today was to be a most glorious event, last week wards were adjusted and with the creation of the Mona 4th ward we are assigned back to our old building.  This is the church a half a block from our home.  The church building I grew up in.  The one I have walked to almost my entire life.  Celebration!

With the change I needed to turn in my keys to our previous building.  Keys that could not be located this morning.  Keys which I seldom use but Andy and Taylei take advantage of for a little bit of basketball practice.  Where had my husband lost them?

Our children lost patience waiting for us to leave and started walking without us.  We headed after them but I had fire in my soul.  My tongue spewed forth words which were extremely unkind and directed towards my husband, venomous words.  The same man who just yesterday I sang praises to on this blog of mine.

I sat in sacrament meeting still steaming.  Thoughts circled and circled and went something like this, "Lost keys, I will be a disgrace."

People would know of my lack of perfection -- this is something I try to hide, the fact that I'm, you know, human.

Now, don't get me wrong, I have thousand of weaknesses and I am all to aware of each of them but I try to keep the rest of the world from knowing.

Wow!

I am a wreck.

In an effort to be more honest with myself, I'm determined to let the real me shine forth on this blog and not just share the person I hope the world perceives me as.  My cousin, Marie, does an amazing job of this very thing and I love reading her trials, her imperfect thoughts.  My soul is lightened after almost every post.

Back to the story . . .

I was to turn in my keys after sacrament meeting.  While waiting to explain my failure, I sent Taylei home to check and see if the keys were in my church bag (you know, the place I should have looked first).  Within a few minutes, she was back with keys in hand.

No one at church knows they were lost.  No one knows I was once again imperfect.

No one except for Andy, the one who happens to matter most of all.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Why do I repeatedly take out my frustrations on him?  Why am I not better?

When Taylei and I made it home from church he was out on the driveway shooting hoops with our boys.  As soon as he saw Taylei he questioned her about the last time they had used my church keys.  He didn't know they were found.  Even after my unkind words, he was trying to help me.

On the way to the church, he was accosted with, "We all know he is the superior being" in a tone I wished didn't dwell within my soul, a tone that could have cut diamonds.

And now, I'll say it again, he truly is my superior.  This time though, I say it with all the admiration and love my heart can muster.  I love him.  I love all of him.

I'm so grateful for the scripture that admonishes us to forgive 70 times 7 (Matthew 18:21-22).  Andy has done this for me and then some.

This is our engagement picture.

Way back when he decided to take a chance on me.

My life has been beautiful because of it.