With the change I needed to turn in my keys to our previous building. Keys that could not be located this morning. Keys which I seldom use but Andy and Taylei take advantage of for a little bit of basketball practice. Where had my husband lost them?
Our children lost patience waiting for us to leave and started walking without us. We headed after them but I had fire in my soul. My tongue spewed forth words which were extremely unkind and directed towards my husband, venomous words. The same man who just yesterday I sang praises to on this blog of mine.
I sat in sacrament meeting still steaming. Thoughts circled and circled and went something like this, "Lost keys, I will be a disgrace."
People would know of my lack of perfection -- this is something I try to hide, the fact that I'm, you know, human.
Now, don't get me wrong, I have thousand of weaknesses and I am all to aware of each of them but I try to keep the rest of the world from knowing.
Wow!
I am a wreck.
In an effort to be more honest with myself, I'm determined to let the real me shine forth on this blog and not just share the person I hope the world perceives me as. My cousin, Marie, does an amazing job of this very thing and I love reading her trials, her imperfect thoughts. My soul is lightened after almost every post.
Back to the story . . .
I was to turn in my keys after sacrament meeting. While waiting to explain my failure, I sent Taylei home to check and see if the keys were in my church bag (you know, the place I should have looked first). Within a few minutes, she was back with keys in hand.
No one at church knows they were lost. No one knows I was once again imperfect.
No one except for Andy, the one who happens to matter most of all.
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Why do I repeatedly take out my frustrations on him? Why am I not better?
When Taylei and I made it home from church he was out on the driveway shooting hoops with our boys. As soon as he saw Taylei he questioned her about the last time they had used my church keys. He didn't know they were found. Even after my unkind words, he was trying to help me.
On the way to the church, he was accosted with, "We all know he is the superior being" in a tone I wished didn't dwell within my soul, a tone that could have cut diamonds.
And now, I'll say it again, he truly is my superior. This time though, I say it with all the admiration and love my heart can muster. I love him. I love all of him.
I'm so grateful for the scripture that admonishes us to forgive 70 times 7 (Matthew 18:21-22). Andy has done this for me and then some.
This is our engagement picture.
Way back when he decided to take a chance on me.
My life has been beautiful because of it.
1 comments:
Ah, Tina! This is probably my most favorite post ever. It's good to be a little demented. And, personally, writing about it on my blog helps -- easier to take it out and analyze. Plus, I figure everyone who reads my blog already knows I have dirty laundry and loves me anyway. I consider it free therapy. So thanks for being my therapist. I will most gladly be yours!
Honestly, I thought this was a beautiful post, and a real delight to read. You might not be perfect yet, but you are very good. And Andy is as lucky to have you as you are to have him. It's the most fabulous thing in the world to have a calm and good man to love you when you come back from that loved Sperry insanity! In our family, we call it having a "Nina" for our "George" (from Father of the Bride.)
I'm so glad you and Lisa made this bet.
Keep up the good work, cuz. I love you!
Post a Comment