This morning, when it was time for Taylei to go to the bus, I drove her. The wind was blowing horizontally. The stop is one-half block from our home but I feared that a gust might pick her up and drop her off in the land of Oz. Or, what if a tree branch broke and in its spiral to the earth found her in its path and knocked her unconscious. This was serious. Driving her to the bus stop is ridiculous but after watching the trees sporadic movements I was truly concerned for her safety.
By mid-morning the wind died but brief snow flurries, rain, or hail kept appearing. During this time I had a realization. My calendar was void of obligations for Tuesday, March 27. Last week I was constantly running. A free day was heaven sent. Andy has FTO (flexible time-off) he has to use or lose by the end of the month. He purchased a certificate for a night at the Zermatt resort in Midway last December and we have been trying to schedule a night away.
Tonight would have been perfect -- except Andy had a softball game on the calendar. Solution: CANCEL due to weather. The expected high for the day was 50. The wind made it feel like 10. There were no umpires involved so the game could easily be rescheduled for a later date.
Softball, my greatest blessing and greatest curse.
I should have never suggested the cancellation. As it grew closer and closer to game time my frustration levels increased. Andy was not willing to give up a game to spend an evening with me. The coach of the other team was at the field and didn't feel the weather would be a factor. I tried to explain to Andy he had as much right to cancel as the other coach. Negative.
I had a slight temper-tantrum and refused to attend. Taylei was begging for a ride with the other girls and I stayed home. Feelings hurt. Softball was more important than me. We haven't even made it to the month of April and I'm already feeling my place of importance has been upended.
Dinner was waiting when Taylei and Andy came home. They ate it on the way to Ari's birthday party. (Direct quote from Taylei, "This is going to be the best dinner of the entire week." Potato cakes, hard-boiled eggs, and hash browns were served).
Andy and I had made it to bed without discussing the state of my being. He can read me like the newspaper so I know unhappiness was written across my face. He ventured to say good night and hoped I was fine. In an unprecedented act, I admitted my hurt.
Have I ever mentioned Andy is my better half. He didn't lash back in disgust. He patiently rubbed my feet while I blogged, hoping to have a discussion with my soul. So funny, three days earlier I'm on cloud nine with his softball involvement and today I have a passionate hatred.
He has mentioned my mood is unpredictable. That I'm a thousand-sided dice. He never knows which mood I'll land on, how long the mood will last, or what action will prompt the change. Tonight it is hurt.
I love him, he isn't perfect. I realize I frustrate him as much or more than he frustrates me. I'll get over the hurt and wonder why I ever had such feelings but for today, this is me.
I write this to acknowledge Andy and I have moments when things aren't perfect. I'm human, he's human. Repentance and forgiveness are needed on a daily basis.
P.S. -- After he got home he did wish we would have gone out of town. He got a phone call that made him extremely uncomfortable. I get to smile inside, he gets to worry, speculate and stress. Funny how things work.
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| Picture taken January 23, 2008, Hawaii Warm enough to play softball -- I would never be able to suggest weather cancellations. P.S. -- After he got home he did wish we would have gone out of town. He got a phone call that made him extremely uncomfortable. I get to smile inside, he gets to worry, speculate and stress. Funny how things work. |
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